This is an extremely painful blog post to make…..the dark days of r/q rescue and, my already heavy and pained filled heart is shattering even further. 🙁 I have just not been able to bring myself to make the final blog post on her life….I did inform the BHRR BOD team and, from there, my family has just been in deep mourning………. 🙁 🙁
On February 20th, we lost BHRR's Zara. She had begun to have seizures recently and, some clustering and, we were working hard to get them under control plus investigate if there was an underlying mass/tumour/cancer/other disease that could be causing them or was it idiopathic. The common side effect for many seizure dogs is confusion and fear and, in the case of a dog that was so scared and fear aggressive from her history/past, just so heart-wrenching to witness.
This lovely dog had a known bite history prior to coming to BHRR and, when we were contacted to assist, all, I could think about was helping her be the best dog she could be. She has been with us since June 22nd, 2013. She should have had years with us. She has traveled so far in her rehab journey AND, to see her on February 1st here with the people/friends that missed the cancelation notice of our BHRR 'EXPERIENCE' mini Open House slowly going from one person to another(they did not pressure her, gave her time and showed lots of understanding and patience) and she was even nudging for loving! EVEN more massive progress from our September DINE WITH THE BHRR Doggies Event plus December 21st Annual "CHAIN OF SUCCESS' THANK You Potluck!
Below is a VIDEO of her on February 20th, – a short one as BHRR's Angel Noelle video bombed my taping and my iPhone shut off. AND, she was happy and playing and snuggling with me.
Then, I have two photo's of her later that day almost 20 minutes after having another severe seizure, confused and scared and, I have a leash loosely looped over her, so have some contact with her as she was so scared and wanted to be close to me yet, also was so confused and, like many dogs was trying to bash through windows to get outside or drink copious amounts of water, and, so I have found that the loosely looped leash, gives us contact and closeness without making her feel claustrophobic and, when she is ready, she comes to snuggle deep and close to me….
Just so devastating is that we have not been able to get control of her seizures and, her level of disorientation/confusion escalated and her fear mounting and, knowing that I could not save her or protect her or make it all go away…………breaks my heart………
BHRR's Salma came over and laid by her side and nuzzled her…..and began a very small and long crying sound…… 🙁 HQD is a very special lady….she, also went over and snagged one of her special blankies and, brought it back over and then, she left and grabbed another blankie and brought it back…she took one and placed it over BHRR's Zara and, the other she squished and squashed until it was just right and laid upon it herself. From there, they lay in quiet until the next seizure came on….. 🙁
There were so many more experiences that I wanted to give her…we were finally mastering the car – getting there was very worrisome for her, yet, once she was in, she settled and even would sit and, look out the window, yet, loved most was putting her head down on the armrest and snuggling into my side. She learned to trust me enough so, that I could do almost anything with/to her – bathing, ears, teeth, nails were still a bit scary for her BUT we were getting there – I could hold her feet and look between her toes and, with much patience and time, we got the job done. Even putting a collar on, while was a very big moment for her, I could do it and, hooking a leash on and off was no problem. Taking collars and leashes off was once a huge show of bravery on her part and, no issues at all any longer. She loved me…and, gosh, I loved her………
I find myself still calling her name for 'sleepie time', pulling out a bowl to feed her, looking down by my side to smile at her, checking to make sure that the tv remote was picked up – she has gone through a harmony remote and several other electronics….she likes to take things outside…not to chew them, yet, to take them outside.
The memories, the smiles, the laughter, the 'ZARA – just what did you take now?!', the 'stop pulling the blanket out of BHRR's Flint's crate', the 'you have to move sweetie, as I cannot breathe with how close you are cuddling' and 'Sean, I need my glasses adjusted again as BHRR's Zara head bopped me again in love' and…..and…and….
This dog was made for agility. She would jump over and over and over again, the half door to our sunroom just because she could. Especially during feeding time as she kept waiting to see if it was' her' turn and, back and forth….
I miss her……….I miss them all….. 🙁 🙁 I am so sorry I could not save you…………I am so sorry that I failed you…………..I am so sorry that someone in your past bred you wrong and that you were undersocialised and, I am sorry that someone set you up for failure and hugged and squeezed you too tight, not once but twice and, you had to use your mouth to say 'I am scared, please let me go' for no one was listening to your body language. I am sorry that you were poled yet, I am not sorry that we were contacted to take you in and I am NOT sorry for the just shy of 8 months that you gave to my heart and home and the joy and bursting with pride that my soul felt with each blossoming moment of trust and bravery you did………
I love you, I will miss you, I have cried a river and more and, come spring, we will plant a special 'ZARA' flowering plant in your eternal resting place. You are now free of all demons and, I know that we shall meet again…
Life is just so unfair………..why her?!!! 🙁