October 19th, 2003 – January 29th, 2007 Frost ‘T” passed away in his sleep this AM. It was as if he held on waiting until I knew/understood what he was trying to tell me(as per the above) in that he was really ready to go and then he left. We had our normal AM schedule; up around 6:00 AM, out and he came back to bed lying in his favourite spot (and even on his side) touching me for a snooze before I had to get the kids up. I felt a deep sigh and when I got up to get the kids up; he had passed on. He was not having any breathing problems, not acting out of the ordinary or anything whatsoever. Frost ‘T’ has begun a new journey and I am feeling very alone and lost right now. Sean came home from work and we have laid him to rest in one of our special spots so that he can continue to overlook his home and his family. Frost ‘T’ in death was as he was in life to me; right by my side taking care of me.

It is time……….Frost ‘T’ has eaten barely anything in the last couple of days and has become a little more weak. He no longer can lie on his side to rest and I know in my heart when he is looking at me; that it is now time and he is ready. He has not had any particular trouble breathing and is in good spirits yet I know in my heart & soul what he is saying to me. The light in his eyes has changed. I will be calling my Vet’s Office tomorrow to make the best, most calm and safe plus wonderful time for him. I wish peace for him and one of the techs I work with has offered to come to my place if need be so that our good-byes are as loving and warm as possible with minimal strain/stress to him. I wish all my data on my computer had not been lost for I have very few pictures of him now………..It will be some time for me to be able to compose his memorial for I have not even had the ability to do Snowball’s as of yet and Frost ‘T’ is just going to set me into a tailspin of utter despair plus devastation. Frost ‘T’ has defied the odds in surviving almost 14 months of miracle making memories/history by living as long as he has including four bouts of pneumonia and having had the sheer quality of life to boot. However; to me; he will always be my heart. There will never be another dog like Frost ‘T’ who does not have a mean bone in his body and even at his lowest of health; he has always retained a wag and special smile of love for those around him. I have never met such an incredible creature whose spirit just lit up any room he graced and for all of his height (almost 41″) he was the kindest and gentlest of beings that would nuzzle a small baby with such sweetness as to melt the most hardened of souls out there. He was a dream dog, one in a zillion+ and while many other dogs would have fought long before now in taking 53+ pills a day; Frost ‘T’ did it with no issues as if he knew that he needed them to continue to fight the good fight. I just positively adore this boy and the most unselfish gift I can give him is to now let him go for when he lies in bed with me at night; I see it in his eyes and he deserves the right to go with dignity intact and that shall be done. If ever there was a dog that was ‘man’s best friend’; Frost ‘T’ was mine and until our paths cross again; I hold dear to my heart & soul the memories we have built up together my dear friend. HEARTS TO YOU!

Frost ‘T has had all good days since the 17th of January, making it 5 bad days in 28. Nothing that we did not worry or stress over overly much when he was having some difficulties. I am still ill myself and will take Frost ‘T’ in for a re-weigh etc. as soon as I can. He is still not eating very well but he is in really good spirits and his eye is looking good though it is still very dilated and he is no longer on the meds. He is still limping a bit when he gets up due to slow circulation. He is sleeping more and more on the bean bag chairs over being on my bed due to ease of breathing as he can rest his head on the floor and thanks to all who continue to help us to find them! I plan on taking Frost ‘T’ with me to work next week to hang out as he LOVES it and misses it!

Yesterday marked another bad day for Frost ‘T’, making it 5 days now in the past 22 days. sigh…He has pretty much eaten nil, save for some beef and has preferred to eat snow over drinking water WHICH we all know that is not good! His eye is looking really good; though very dilated and we are suppose to go back in tonight for a recheck yet I am quite ill myself right now. When I feel his ribs etc., he feels like he is a bit more weighty yet on days like this; all the forward movement we have just stops abruptly. HE just loves all of this 20+cm of snow that we received on Monday. He is also running a slight temperature at this time though his feet are very chilly. He is finding it hard to breathe in this sudden -29 degree C weather. I am worried about leaving him this weekend though I know he is in excellent hands with Sean. Frost ‘T’ has also begun to find it harder to stay on his side(his favourite sleeping/resting position) for he will make some low groaning noises (the best that I can describe it) and then either shoot to a standing position or lying on his belly. It is really strange but now I know within a day when he is going to have another bad day and yet there is nothing I can do about preventing it. 🙁

Frost ‘T’ might have glaucoma but more likely that it has something to do with his heart which I had already felt and the Vet agrees that the circulation etc is most likely the cause. He has lost another 3 KGs(54KGS now) of weight in the past month. I was honestly surprised it was not more. He was wagging his tail, eating liver treats and drinking water from the sink and after another long hard discussion with the Vet; we are going to give him some more days to see if the Atropine and Pred will work. The problem with the Pred is now it will expose him back to Pneumonia but we need to get some of the inflammation down. He has so much blood in his eye that you cannot even see the lens. The Vet felt that if WE can get him to eat; he will have more time. He has stopped eating any kind of kibble and has been eating wet dog food and home cooked meals. I have just begun to switch him to RAW. He is on Flagyl (5 pills 2x daily) as is for his chronic diarrhea for being a double merle SN’s baby; he has also come with an immature digestive and immune system so as many can experience some diarrhea in the switching to RAW(from what I have been told); he would make no difference to him with his system being that he already has the CD. So, we will see if it spreads to the other eye or if he vomits up more blood(he did a bit last night) and he is not a candidate for surgery if it is something that surgery might be able to fix. He is hemorrhaging behind that eye and we need to avoid a clot and the building up of pressure. I told the Vet that if this has anything at all to do with his heart that I am not going to put him through anymore. That eye is clearly not comfortable for him and as the Vet said ‘he is protecting it’ and he is already deaf plus visually impaired and he is a bit worried now around the other dogs as he can see almost nothing now out of that eye. She said that yes he is thin and yes, he is on that slow slide down but he is still have quality and to see if the Atropine and the Pred will help. He has now had 4 bad days in the last 19 days. The problem will be with the sun(the whole front of our house is also windows due to passive solar heating) and what the Atropine does is enlarges the pupil so that it is dilated like sometimes the eye doctor does in exams. He refuses to wear his doggles and has been that way for quite some time. The Vet feels that we need to give it a couple of days to get a better idea if it is heart related or not. She agreed that it was not an injury(how could it be – the poor boy is not out running like a maniac these days) and did a lot of research on how best to move forward. I simply adore this dog. IT was so hard; I had a special blanket and was prepared that this might be it.in fact every time I have brought him in over the past month has been a very big reality of possibly having to put him down and it is HELL! I had the kids say good-bye along with Sean and we took more pictures.  I am trying to stay so objective here and everyone at the Hospital said that he is having quality of life as he was not depressed, he had head up high, tail wagging and yes, he was pale in the gums as he has very poor perfusion and is thin 119.68 pounds (54.4KGS) now down from 62.20 KGS last fall which is up from the mere 40sometingKGs he fell to in December 2005. HE so loved sticking his head out the sunroom(one of his most fav things to do) and so I blasted the heat, drove through the local McDonalds and Timmie’s(great coffee place for those that drink coffee, I don’t!)for his usual admiration and loving plus treats(though he does not eat them) on our way back home. When I got home; I began to really sob for Sean had put on the door with the kids four posters that I have to take a picture of ‘WELCOME HOME FROST ‘T’. WE LOVE YOU!!!’ Frost ‘T’ has had nothing but good days since last Tuesday and the meds are working well on his eye. He is not liking the ‘texture’ of the RAW food as I already suspected yet we are trying to persevere. He was eating almost 11 cans of wet dog food a day and no kibble. He did eat almost a whole chicken on Saturday so that was awesome!!! He has taken to wanting to pay in short bursts with Thor and has shown some interest in toys again. I will be taking him back in on Wednesday when I am back into work myself for a re-weigh, re-evaluation plus just to hang out. I am posting a couple new pictures of Frost ‘T’ below as well.

Tuesday marked the second really bad day in the last week that Frost ‘T’ has had. He had 5 really good days and then the bad one and it was terrible. He could only eat small pieces of roast chicken that I hand fed him and barely drank as he was struggling so hard to breathe. By the time I went to bed at 4:00 AM on Wednesday; he was finally having a good rest on his side. Later on Wed., he was eating his roast chicken, stews etc. without any issues and I am now going to switch to RAW for he refuses to touch any kibble of any kind and unless I home cooking his meals all the time or giving him wet canned dog food(of which there is not enough to keep a dog of his size alive on just the canned food); I am going RAW. He has been doing a lot of resting on one of the beanbag chairs since his bad day but he is lying on his side where he is most comfortable at and I know that when he does that he is breathing well. His tail is wagging really well but he is still so painfully thin. The other thing was that last night after feeding him; he vomited up some of his food and he had blood in it. He only did it once and he seemed very surprised by it as he just lifted his head off the beanbag chair brought up some food and then was fine. I will monitor. Thanks to Merrilee, Deanna, Mary etc. who have been sending me suggestions on those beanbag chairs. I am going to see if there is a Sears depot in Brockville, ON that I could possibly order the 102cm beanbag chairs online and hopefully it will not take two months to get there. GREAT IDEAS! THANKS from my heart! I am also going to look at getting more coats for I have been rotating between his and Guinness Therapy Coat(the only other dog coat I have that has a big enough barrel of a chest that will fit Frost ‘T on his chest!)and he needs more, especially with the temperatures falling. The hard thing for me to reconcile within myself is that Frost ‘T’s good days are really good for the most part and when he has those; I just cannot picture myself letting him go and then I see his bad days and they are bad like when he first was ill in December of 2005 and I just re-visit the whole thing about what is best for Frost ‘T’. I just hope that I have the wisdom and strength to continue to do what is right for Frost ‘T’. He felt so good the other morning that he ‘roo rood’ for quite some time outside at the blowing flag on the flagpole(no one ever said that Frost ‘T’ was the smartest bunny in the forest!) and had spirit! 🙂 It was like he was ‘aware’ of what was around him and not just focusing on getting that next breath into his body. This is the dog that is very quiet and for him to do that was very heartwarming AS he had energy! The expression on his face was priceless when he came into the bedroom as well for he was SOOO proud of what he had done. I just wish that he had not decided to do it at 6:30 AM when I had just gotten to bed about one hour earlier! LOL Sean felt terrible that it woke me up as he had let the dogs out again just as he was heading off to work; but I just had to laugh. For me the memory making continues and this is one that will be cherished! 4:00 PM UPDATE: I am bringing Frost ‘T’ to the Vet tonight for 7:30 PM. He blew his left eyeball somehow today AND he has done nothing out of the ordinary and I plan on getting a re-weigh. I am also keeping in the back of my mind that this might be the time to let him go especially if his eye has anything to do with his heart. He had two great meals today so far and has been having a really comfortable rest all tucked up in blankets so otherwise; he is faring well but if his heart is causing other problems in his body; I will not ask anymore of/from him.

Around 4:00 AM on the 3rd of January, Frost ‘T’ had another really bad day. That made 2 bad days in the past 7. It was a very worrisome day Since that bad day on the 3rd; Frost ‘T’ has had really good days up to and including today so far. When I saw the Vet on Thursday night as Guinness has annual visit; he talked to me about what the UOG had indicated in regards to using this sodium treatment as another possible way to help Frost ‘T’. I declined it at the time due to how bad things were the day before(and felt plus and the Vet agreed that it might not be of any real benefit) but now; when I see the Vet on Wednesday (I work then and time for Maggi’s annual); I might re-visit it. Last night was the first time Frost “T” was back up eating his normal 5 smaller meals and he ate roast chicken, cheese and beef stew. He is thin as a rail the poor boy. My Vet calls Frost ‘T’ his most favourite patient and I know he is just as concerned and cares about his wellbeing as I do. I can no longer get him to eat any kibble. He just refuses to eat it; and a note to those that feel that if a dog is hungry enough; they will eat; has never met my Frost ‘T’. He will literally starve before eating something he does not want and has always been that way. IT was not something that we conditioned him to be ‘a picky eater’. So I might go RAW with him just to try and get him to eat more. He has not perked up in his play behavour and is still quite weak but his eyes are clearer and more focused and bright. My Vet told me that the valves and cords in his heart are just not functioning right on top of his 3 Heart conditions and I do not kid myself that I am going to get years with him and am still frustrated about him receiving the wrong meds; which has accelerated everything. As things stood on Wednesday; the perfusion and body core temperature etc. in his body just cannot keep itself regulated. He most often likes to sleep on one of the beanbag chairs as he can hang his head over more comfortably than the side of the bed for the nasal discharge. The problem is that he wants to be near me and the beanbag chairs are on the floor so we are still trying to work out sleeping arrangements to the benefit of everyone! I might put a mattress on the floor to sleep with him, we will have to see what we are going to do. Many people have been sending us notes and emails and calls of support and asking if there is anything they can do; beyond the obvious of making him better and I thank all of you from my heart for this. What we could use are the continued prayers and well wishes and if anyone knows of a place that is selling beanbag chairs at this time; please let me know. Sears has them on back order for almost up to 2 months for my area and I need more as this is the ONLY place that he is able to get any true rest on. We have three right now and one that we need to repair(Liquorice accidentally got a nail caught; first time we have ever had that happen and now we have a tear in one). With Boba, Liquorice, Frost ‘T’ and Kona plus the wee squishie boyz loving the chairs; I do not have enough to ensure that Frost ‘T’ has several throughout the house and for that matter for Liquorice or Boba or the other dogs that prefer/love the beanbag chairs. I would deeply appreciate it if anyone finds any or comes across any to let me know so I can go and buy them! 🙂

Frost ‘T’ is still here with us. He was also put back on an appetite stimulator and even while I was away in Kitchener last week; he was eating almost 2 meals a day. He slept mostly for Sean while I was gone and when I returned on Friday; he had a really bad night and day and it made me think of the things that I said to two friends of mine in Kitchener that he is now no longer having good days with a ‘bad’ day thrown in; he is now having bad days with a ‘good’ day thrown in. I don’t want him to merely ‘exist’ and so had resolved that I must do what is ‘right’ for him. Then Frost ‘T’ has now had good days on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday and has been eating all the roast chicken, beef stew, cheese and homemade pizza that I have been given him. While he is still not eating his 5 meals a day like he needs; he is now eating and has not needed lasix since I have come home on Friday. Sean is right though that he is ‘thin as a rail’ and he is still wearing Guinness’ coat to keep warm. I have to find what happened to his own custom made coat as it seems to just have gone MIA. 🙁 If I have not already posted it above somewhere; Frost ‘T’s latest electrolytes have also still been normal. I am still waiting to hear back from my Vet about him touching base with the UOG but do understand that last week was holidays for many. And as one of my friends asked me the ‘tough’ question about would I prefer that he just pass in his sleep; I answered ‘yes, I would love to take the coward’s way out and have him die in his sleep or to drop dead running outside so that I would not have to bring him in to put a needle into him’. I was very honest about it and would still like to see that being the way for him to save him and yes, me stress and anxiety yet I also owe it to Frost ‘T’ to be strong and not let things linger if that is the case. I also mentioned that it would be so much easier for me to bring him in, hand him over and let someone else do the ‘deed’ yet I would never dream of doing that either. I adore this dog and I will be there right by his side, holding and loving him with my tears if a needle is the way we need to go. I could never abandon him and as he has given me so much and been there for me, I OWE it to him to be there for him. Frost ‘T’ does have poor perfusion with his blue lips and purple ears and his circulation is quite poor that he is often numb and limping in his limbs from lying down and has to ‘walk’ it off to get the blood/air moving in those areas. THE thing that I am so thrilled about is that Frost ‘T’ has seen snow again. HE was SOOOO excited and when I came back from Kitchener, he actually raced to see me and made his very special ‘roo roos’ That was music to my ears. I plan on bringing him in soon to get a re-weigh on him.